Emptyage

Smith arrived at The Atlantic‘s offices in mid-2007. He worked doggedly his first few months, announcing in October that The Atlantic was going to adopt a digital-first strategy. “We decided to prioritize digital over everything else. We were no longer going to be ‘The Atlantic, which happens to do digital.’ We were going to be a digital media company that also published The Atlantic magazine.

I’ve used 3D printing services to make parts for art projects before, and it’s amazing technology. The idea of using it to create parts for cars certainly isn’t new, either— Jay Leno has been doing it for a while, it seems. What I’m suggesting is that it’s time to start a very ambitious project: a freely-available database of scanned auto parts, so restorers and enthusiasts and curators of the future will be able to keep their babies running.

That CASH stunner is good but not great. The best are Schermer stunners, not only have they been around much longer but they have a kill rate of almost 100% as opposed to about 85-90% for Cash. As can you imagine I work in the Food Service industry and I’ve been working with stunners for over 20 years (and no i don’t work for Schermer). The amazing thing about stunning an animal is that the goal isn’t to actually kill the animal, its to keep the heart pumping so that it naturally pumps out all the blood. It may seem simple but attempting to “knock” (hence the phrase “Tommy knockers”) an animal into an irreversible coma yet keeping the heart from stopping is NO EASY TASK. Another problem you run into is brain matter getting into the meat; it may not seem like a big deal but that’s how Mad cow is transmitted. bottom line, if you don’t want mad cow or coagulated blood in your meat, get a Schermer

Unlike Tom from MySpace, Mark Zuckerberg is not your friend. But fuck it. Think about all the time you’ve spent on Facebook—for free! You should get him something nice.

But what do you get an autistic savant who slaughters and butchers his own meat, happens to be the world’s youngest billionaire, and is a practicing atheist for Chaunnukristmas? Don’t sweat it. At Gizmodo we’ve got a gift guide for everyone. Here’s what you should show up with outside Zuck’s front door at 1456 Edgewood Dr. in Palo Alto.

1. Cash Special .25 Caliber HD Extended Bolt Stunner

Only four types of people butcher their own meat. Butchers, farmers, poor people, and really, really goddamn rich people. And while we admire Zuck for preparing for whatever impossibly unlikely endtimes scenario is playing out in his head, we also encourage him to step up his game. Stop simply choking chickens, and make with some moo murder. This .25 caliber kill hammer will drop livestock and other game with one simple squeeze. It also works great for intimidating Sean Parker.