Unlike Tom from MySpace, Mark Zuckerberg is not your friend. But fuck it. Think about all the time you’ve spent on Facebook—for free! You should get him something nice.
But what do you get an autistic savant who slaughters and butchers his own meat, happens to be the world’s youngest billionaire, and is a practicing atheist for Chaunnukristmas? Don’t sweat it. At Gizmodo we’ve got a gift guide for everyone. Here’s what you should show up with outside Zuck’s front door at 1456 Edgewood Dr. in Palo Alto.
1. Cash Special .25 Caliber HD Extended Bolt Stunner
Only four types of people butcher their own meat. Butchers, farmers, poor people, and really, really goddamn rich people. And while we admire Zuck for preparing for whatever impossibly unlikely endtimes scenario is playing out in his head, we also encourage him to step up his game. Stop simply choking chickens, and make with some moo murder. This .25 caliber kill hammer will drop livestock and other game with one simple squeeze. It also works great for intimidating Sean Parker.
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